Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

 

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a
result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical
details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source :http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/

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Decided to copy and paste this article here to remind me of how precious life is,to make the right choice which makes me happy now,to live this life for myself and not for others,to appreciate and hold on to people I love and gives a meaning to my life and most importantly,it reminded me to not give up on any dreams I have.

Its sad knowing that many regret not realizing what they had always dreamt of being/doing as they just never mustered enough courage at that point in time to give it a shot. I should really start giving everything I think would make me a happier person a shot and not always think of the what ifs/I don’t think I can. I don’t wanna die in regrets too.

So,living out of a suitcase has always been my dream. You know I actually had an ideal future planned out for myself just after I graduated from secondary. Which unfortunately till date,I seem to be moving in the opposite direction of what I’ve hoped for myself. I didn’t make it to cjc,which was the only jc I really wanted to get into then,besides sajc which was unattainable. Not surprisingly,my planned included getting into the top 3 local unis in Singapore. Thereafter,I hope to join one of the worlds most sought after airline,which I’m really proud of,coming from a small red dot on the map. I knew from the day I made plans for my future,I’ll not settle for any other airlines.

Till date,none of my dreams went my way. But I’m happy with my alternative choices,maybe besides enrolling for uol. Ha! I’m thankful I gt into SP and made some really good friends. Those 3 years struggling with meeting project deadlines at the eleventh hour,long breaks which say us never coming back for lesson after,the journey at SP was nothing short of fulfilling. My uni life at SIM is terrible. Given the examination structure,which I’m not cut out for,it really makes me detest school quite abit. Given a choice again,I certainly wouldn’t enroll with uol again. I’d rather get a loan,pay more and register with Birmingham or buffalo,cos at least I know I’ll be happier being in that environment. Ahh well,no crying over spilt milk so I’m hanging in there earnestly hoping praying I get my degree by this June and get my ass outta sim.

Aferwhich,I’ll be given an opportunity to live the last stage of my dream when I was 17. 5 yrs later,I’m still holding on to that dream. Alot of negativity and self confidence issues,but I’ll give it a shot. No regrets even if I fail,cos at the very least I tried

Alright time to get my mask off,just wanna pen down my thoughts here so I can read back and reflect in time to come. I just wanna say,I know deep down even if I don’t get to live my dream,God will have greater things planned out for me and for that,I’m thankful

Recollection of 2011

So here I am,with the last post of 2011.

2011 isnt exactly a fantastic year for me,but it did treat me pretty well. The first few months of the year saw me struggling with UOL exams. It was the first and hopefully the last I’ll ever cry myself to study ever again. Once bitten twice shy,so I’m gonna prepare ahead for my finals this time round.
Am thankful for the opportunity to visit beautiful parts of the world like London and Paris. It was really an eye opening experience moving around an unfamiliar city with the family,but we sure brought back lotsa fond memories Being to places out of Singapore really made me appreciate my home country even more. I’m really really thankful to be living in Singapore,a place free from natural disasters,with good governance,a clean environment,a safe city and a place I’m really just damm proud to call home

The trip also came as a timely getaway for my lil bro before he enlisted in May. That lil rascal would have been enlisted for 8 months come Jan. Oh how fast time flies! Thankful for God’s guidance and watchful hands throughout this journey for without Him,my brother wouldnt have made it so smoothly to being an officer cadet trainee commissioning in 4 months time! heh

During the hols,I’m glad I made the choice to pursue what I enjoy doing most;sell clothes! haha. It’s a job which requires no/low qualification,but it’s a job that gives me so much satisfaction when I’m at it. It’s through this job that made me realise what I enjoy doing and should pursue in future and also,hey I finally found out something about myself I’m good at! heh You know the greatest accomplishment in the service line is when customers feel your sincerity and helpfulness,they appreciate you and send in a word of compliment. That will really make you feel that all the other nasty treatments you get from other customers doesnt really matter,cos the appreciative ones made all these worthwhile.

I’m thankful for the chance to visit my darling bitch in her hometown,Bandung,in July too. After knowing her for a decade,it was really time I took a trip down to appreciate the place she grew up in. And the best part about this trip,I had the bestest company I could ever ask for,with ling and hsun. Would be bestier if nic could be there too. You know one thing I’ll forever be thankful for is that all my bestest friends knows one another and can hang ard comfortably with each other. I know they are angels god has sent to be by my side thankful is really not powerful enough to express how glad I am to have them,but ya know how appreciative I am

August saw me turning 21. No biggie celebrations,but I’m glad I have meals with the fam and friends I love,and that’s more than satifactory for me That was also the month I took my results. First time in my education life have I failed a main exam paper. No tears shed cos no,I’m not one to cry over spilled milk. It came as quite abit of a shock to me,cos like I say it was my first time failing an important exam,but I was quite disappointed with myself. But oh well,I can finally say I failed,gave myself a second try and I made it,even better this time round (i know its too early to say I’ve  made it,by ahh trying to be hopeful and optimistic ah! haha). And finally after going through 22 months or ns ordeal with bby,he finally ord-ed!

September was the month bby and I turned 4. We’ve come a long way and truthfully,this year hasnt been a very good one for us. We’ve had our fair share of good times and the bad,tho I think the bad might have override the good. I’ve been comtemplating throughout to walk away cos of certain issues I cant change,but my heart still holds back for this guy cos I know I may not be able to find another out there who can love me as much as him. Pardon me if I’m generalising,but guys these days sure have committment issues,so it’s certainly not easy to find someone whom I have 101% trust in and makes me feel so secure. Anws,I hope this new year I’ll learn to appreciate his good and he will learn to meet my love language. Also looking fwd to our 5th tgther in 2012!

I am happy to get a new coat of paint to my room. Pinked it up! Sure feels like a princess waking up to a pink room everyday. Makes me so happy yo! haha! Honestly,I’ve spent many nights racking my brains on the colour combi of my room and worrying if the colour(s) I’ve chosen would be a replica of what I’ve seen on screen. Relieved I made a choice to just stick with all pink and keeping my fingers crossed the pink wouldnt be too loud. Really contented with it. And xmas also came in a form of a 32” led tv for my brother and I from thy parents

That pretty much sums up my 2011. Nothing fantastic really,but still very thankful for every happening.
The first half of 2012 will again see me battling with my books,which I certainly hope would be the last of my years in the education system. I am sure I’ll miss being a student,the carefree lifestyle and flexible time on hand,but well all good things comes to an end isnt it? haha.

So 2012 might see me embarking on another phase of my life,I used might cos I am uncertain if I can get hold of a proper job. I have a dream job,which people close to me will know. It’s not only a dream but a passion too. I think I will enjoy this job,cos I dont see myself sitting in the office typing away or doing anything mundane from the moment I step into office and out. Honestly,I used to think I’m cut out for all that,but not any more. I think the service line suits me best,so even if my dream job is unattainable,I’m glad at least I have a direction in my job scope and I wanna do what I enjoy doing. I know I’m a degree student,I know my degree dont come easy and cheap,I know I have to find a job with pay that justifies the paper I had attained. But to me now,I think waking up every morning knowing you’re heading to a job you really love and enjoy doing is more of my concern. 

Alright,once again,all that I am and have today,all glory be to the One above. I’m full of thanks for this year,I hope for a better tml,a better 2012. May all be well for everyone!  Have a blessed 2012!  

 

Protected: Tonight, the 24th.. I am thankful..

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All the tears tonight

So so emotional tdy. I’m so tired n drained from all the tears,thoughts,hurtful words n arguments. U know how it feels to hate people u’re obliged to love? This is it. Another day of fight with thy parents. It always ache at the heart at the thought of hurtful words n disappointments in them. I wonder if they feel the same too. These tears that fall,are nt of anger. They are tears of disappointments. And that’s what hurts the most.
I have so much to say,to pen down on the reasons for these tears,but thinking of it just cuts deeper n tears run like tap water.
Not everything’s worth fighting for. But I believe what I fought for tdy is definitely worth every tears n heartache. I take comfort in Him. He knows what I fought for tdy is to glorify him,to bring another back to him. If his grace multiplies,more will be brought back. I believe this is the start of a good beginning for my jie,my pa,ma n Kor and I’m thankful for that,my second family.
Nvm if my mum says they’re not impt to her,they are n will always be in my eyes. Let that weary heart of mine be at peace n tml will be the beginning of a better day,a better week

Somewhere in the night;

class 95. My icy cold feet tugged under those sheets. Light from my phone. Hugging the bolster. Missing my lil bro. Thinking abt my results in 3 days time. Worrying more like it actually. Thinking abt growing another yr older in 5 days. Wondering why I don’t feel a thing. I wanna be forever young. I wanna fulfill dreams I hv been dreaming of. I wanna accomplish something. I really wanna go bkk. I wanna do shopping really badly. This 21st I don’t need lavish gifts,I don’t need any celebrations. I don’t need all that. I just want a happy n healthy family & friends. I want ppl I love to be blessed this bdae. For them to be happy. Cos if they are,I will be too. Above all,I really wanna pass every module this exams n graduate by next yr. That’ll be the best gift,ever. God gave me a wonderful gift 2 Xmas back. I passed my tp. This time around,I’ll pass my exams. I will!

Unworthy. Undeserving. Broken.

Tonight I feel like the worst gf ever on earth. Cos of the whole helping chub get his project done saga. He said i’m nt supportive n understanding enough. He said he’s disappointed cos he’s prob nt impt to me,that’s why I’m all reluctant n unwilling to help. He said I need to learn to priotise my time in accordance to importance. Most importantly,he said I don’t understand him after all this while.
Tell me,how nt to shed a single tear? Tonight I really wish I can give this up and walk away for being such a gf I am. I only have one word for myself. I’m undeserving. Undeserving of the love and everything chub has showered on me. Tonight I really wish he give this up too,so I can stop living in guilt. Tonight,I wish I can really stop those tears now and those thoughts.
You know I don’t think things will be the same after this whole saga. How can it be when he has alrdy questioned the love I hv for him? of his importance to me? Things feel weird now. Even a hug feels foreign? I’m really down now. Nt looking fwd to my 21st nt looking fwd to anything at all. I don’t need anything. I just wish I can go somewhere far alone n just be with myself. Maybe after so long,I finally feel like I wanna start life afresh alone. I don’t wanna go thru night where I shed till my pillow’s all wet n pretend everything’s fine nth happened the nxt day.
I..I just need to wipe those tears off n sleep thru tonight. Tml will be a busy day at work since it’s national day,that saves me from more unnecessary thinking. Night you.

My god knows best! :)

I really shld be asleep. Bur I’m stubborn like that. When I wanna do something,nothing can stop me. Not even having insufficient sleep. It’s 0217hrs now. I’m to be up at 0550hrs. That’s umm the time I used to get up during those sec school days. Getting up before 6am,I will only do that for the ones I love. This time round,for the lil rascal brother of mine. Happy to know that he’ll be home for the nxt one week! Always good to have company more company at home
Anw something’s keeping me awake. I went from the state of being really exhausted to being really energetic now! That’s what u get for having too much thoughts.
Time and again,I always have this same stupid thought keeping me from sleeping! Urghh! I really shld stop thinking too much,to avoid the incessant and unnecessary worrying and just let God take charge. As for my dreams,as of tdy the 3rd July,made easier to rmb since it’s chubby’s day,whether I get to fulfil it,i shall leave it all to the one above. He really knows best and wants only the best for me! That itself is a good enough assurance to filter all my worries!

45th! ;)

I’m supposed to be sleeping. But I’d been stalking my lil cousin’s post on fb when I saw her posting something bout love love all. Haha I’m just a concerned cousin,I went to check all her recent posts and comments out,hoping to find out who the guy was haha. So kpo I know. But I’m really being concerned since her parents don’t fb all. She needs someone to watch over her in the cyber world. Lol

Anw I found out some frens mentioning this guy name so I went to track his profile down. Okay I sound super stalkerish now. Anw I cheCked out a few guys la. Her frens that is. They looks like small boy tho they’re alrdy sec 1. Which reminds me of those sec 1 days. How I was so afraid of talking to guys since I came from a convent school. I was shy rather haha. Okay I sound silly here. But I still am when I talk to guys i’m not familiar with. I would like to associate it with the lack in self confidence in myself. ESP having to talk to good looking guys. Omg,I’d be dumb founded! Lol
So I recall how nic looked in sec 1,hakim,praba and all the other guys in my class looked and how much they’ve changed into a cute boy to a man serving our country now. And all the boys disturb the girls and rumour of who liking who. Sounds childish now. But I really miss those innocent puppy love days. Haha. And all the wondering eyes when classes pass by my class to look out for eye candy all. Or when the guys looked in and shout a particular person’s name. Okay I admit,it feels good to know that I’m actually admired okay cos I always hv very lil confident in myself,I find it hard to believe there are people out there who appreciate my looks. And till date,I dont think my confidence level has really improved. I’m still very conscious bout my fat thighs,my hair arms,me being hairy. Actually hairy and fat sums it all up la. Thats why first thing I would do when I start a job would be to go for full body head to toe IPL seriously. It will really help lift my confidence level. I know it will cos I always feel good after waxing and threading I really do.
Arghhh woe of being me. Sigh. I always kid with bee when he complains how hairy I am,that he shld beware if he wanna hv kids with me,cos who knows maybe our kids come out got armpit hair liao cos the mother too hairy HAHAHA! Okay thats disgusting. Lol.
Alright back to topic,so I really enjoyed my sec school days. No doubt it’s the best 4 yrs of my education life and yup I guess it’ll be the most unforgettable 4 yrs of my life on earth. Cos firstly,I’ve made and found frens I really wanna have them ard for life. Yes I wanna see them get married,have kids( I wanna be their kids godmama),do well in their career,invite me to their humble place for hse warming,hv high tea with them when we retire(haha!) and even when they’re on their death bed(don’t wish for that to happen cos I want them to live longer than me),I wanna be there for and with them. Secondly,that’s also where I found the first boy who yup admired me and care enough to wanna be with me. But I’m such a bad girl I broke his heart eventually. He’s a nice guy really and I’d take him as a benchmark for choosing my future hubby cos he’s a family guy with the brains. Thirdly and most importantly,I was given a chance to meet bee. Am really thankful for that. And ydae marks our 45th month tether!
Okay enough rambling. I really wanna go on but i mist really sleep now. Night!

Tumblr-ing niow!

Finally gotten myself a tumblr acct. I’ve always wanted to do so,cos I think I’ll enjoy reblogging things I really think is meaningful.
Anyhow,this place will still be ard cos I’m really thankful and enjoying it here cos at least I roughly know only people whom i personally know reads. Tumblr on the other hand,will just be another space I will think twice before speaking my mind cos its gonna be for the public’s eyes and I’m sure people judges. I don’t wanna spam long word posts on it too cos I don’t think I shld be feeding strangers with too much info on my personal life. Maybe that’s me,more of a private person and I’m happy with that
So see you on the other side too; sarahawt.tumblr.com

Thinking and being positive.

Learn to laugh at your mistakes. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Look at things in a different light.

No secrets. I personally think this is how one should live by,to be a happy person. Those who are constantly wallowing in sorrow sadness and just being in a depressing state u’re in. It really isnt difficult to be happy. I think its all up in ur head. How willing u are to let go,to give up,to move on,to keep believing,to hope,to anything. It’s just how willing you are,to love urself enough to be a happy person.

Just my one cent worth of thought before bed. Night now

Just my